Cursed from the Start
by The Improbable One
Summary: Can evil ever truly be redeemed? Is good ever good enough? Can Emma and Regina ever let go of the demons of their pasts and allow themselves a chance of real happiness? Swanqueen
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first attempt at SwanQueen and my first story in years, please be kind. More to follow.

Emma Swan could think of a thousand reasons why she should hate Regina Mills. So why was her image burned into her mind, floating to the surface every time she closed her eyes? Was Regina Mills the reason that she couldn't sleep at night? She tried to clear her mind, urged herself to give in to the exhaustion that seeped through her bones, but she just couldn't. It was like Regina's face was tattooed to the insides of her eyelids and Emma couldn't escape even if she wanted to.

So, reluctantly, Emma gave in to the thoughts and tried to reason with her subconscious.

Regina was the Evil Queen. _Was_ being the operative word. She was different now, she was so strong, confident and sexy _._ Emma tried to convince herself that she didn't see it, especially the last part.

Regina cursed her whole family, she ruined her childhood because of it.

Regina tried to _kill_ Emma - but it was to protect everything that she loved. Wouldn't anyone behave the same way?

How badly had Regina been hurt to treat people that way?

Not even Evil Queens are born villains. Surely?

The Evil Queen was all an act, Emma was sure of it. Was it just a protective cloak that she had slowly wound around herself after years of heartbreak and unhappiness? Emma thought so - she had always had a knack for finding souls as lonely as her own. She could also tell that Regina loved their son fiercely; her superpower was never wrong.

Henry was **their** son, of course he was. Regina had just as much, maybe more, of a claim to Henry as she did. Emma could never have given him everything that Regina had.

Regina's bravado was a facade. A deep routed yearning to be loved; for all that she was and in spite of everything that she had done - Emma could see that. It was a feeling that Emma knew only too well for she too wore her loneliness like a shield.

 _And, she's smoking hot._ There was that small voice again in the back of her mind, giving her ideas that she should definitely not have, torturing her with the image of Regina's apple-red lips. Those lips... Regina's smile could melt a person, but unfortunately for Emma, the Evil Queen often looked at her like she was _literally_ trying to melt her with disdain. Even when she scowled she was sexy, Regina's stormy dark eyes were so intense that Emma could almost fool herself that she was looking at her with lust instead of hatred. There was no way that Emma couldn't return her hatred, not anymore.

She was just Regina now - not Mayor Mills, not the even Evil Queen. Stripped of her titles in a world (mostly) without magic, she was just a mother like herself. Just another lost, lonely person.

Emma couldn't resist her. There was definitely no use in trying to sleep, she was so worked up that she just had to see her, it couldn't even wait until morning. Emma always was one for rash, spur-of-the-moment action.

Now that she had worked it out, Emma just needed Regina to know - needed her to _believe_ \- that Emma saw the good in her. Emma wouldn't give up. Regina had to to see it for herself, isn't that what Saviours did for people?

And maybe, just maybe, the Evil Queen would have what it takes to save the Saviour along the way.

Regina could feel it. She could feel the magic that was building inside Emma, feel it bubbling and spitting - aching to be touched, aching to be _used_.

Oh, and how she would use it, given the chance!

The raw energy of her own magic fizzled under her skin. She closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to be touched by Emma, imagined the sensation that two magic beings made when they connected, and she couldn't stifle her groan. It was a groan of anticipation and frustration.

It would never happen. Emma was the Saviour and Regina had made her bed as the Evil Queen a long time ago. Regina didn't deserve anyone. Villains didn't get happy endings.

There was a knock on the door. Who would have the audacity to call so late? Was it Henry? Was everything okay?

When she opened her door seconds later in her pyjamas, there stood Emma, and suddenly Regina felt completely naked. She felt so exposed when Emma looked at her like that.

"Miss Swan, what is it? I expect you have good reason to call on me in the middle of the night, without warning I might add?"

Emma gulped. Whatever she had been expecting, this for sure wasn't it. She could barely think with Regina dressed like that. The silk of her short pyjamas clung to her in all of the most flattering places and Emma couldn't resist.

She didn't say a word as she closed the gap between their bodies. She cupped Regina's face in her hands and let her own lips find the apple sweet ones she'd so often dreamt of. She couldn't describe how that kiss felt, it was like light was bursting from every pour of her being; from her fingers, toes and each strand of her hair. She felt alive.

Regina was rigid with shock at first, but when Emma's tongue gently parted her lips, probing and insistent - she brought with it that intoxicating taste of magic. Regina had longed for this, for a moment she lost herself in the sensation. Then she came to her senses.

What was happening?

Was this some sort of cruel trick?

It had to be.

"Miss Swan!" She snarled with as much indignation as she could muster, pushing the young woman away.

Emma looked hurt for a second, then she straightened.

"Regina... I..." Emma couldn't find the words, all she wanted was to go back to that moment, only moments ago when the light and the dark had matched each other, moulded together and the world had never been so beautiful. Regina must have felt it too, it was nothing if not magic.

"Save it!" Regina couldn't explain the way she was reacting. It was the opposite of what she wanted - but it was the only way she knew, hurt others and you won't get hurt yourself.

Wasn't that the mantra that she had lived by?


	2. Chapter 2

Emma's head was swimming, she felt intoxicated. That kiss. That kiss was everything she had ever dreamt a kiss could be - it was like a fairytale. The moments that followed however, were more like the disastrous real life that Emma knew. Despite being constantly surrounded by fairytale characters, it was continuously clear that her life was no story book.

Regina was lashing out, and in turn Emma was ready to run. Why had she come here tonight? What had she hoped to achieve? And why had she been stupid enough to think that Regina Mills would want to kiss her back?

But she had kissed her back, hadn't she? If only for a moment, Emma had sensed the kiss shift and knew that Regina longed for it just as much as she did, which only served to make her reaction more frustrating.

"Regina. You are not shutting this door on me. Invite me inside and give me something strong to drink." Emma sighed, her eyes held on Regina's as though daring her to break eye contact. Emma was cool as cucumber until a blush crept up her cheeks and gave her away.

Regina cocked an eyebrow, folded her arms and, as much as she wanted to slam the door in Emma's face, she stepped aside. "Do come in, Miss Swan."

The moments that followed were awkward; neither woman mentioned the kiss - instead, they spoke of Henry, drank apple cider and tried to relax. But it was forced, each woman was hyper aware of her own movements and avoided any form of contact with the other. They were both sure that the surge of magic that would result from such a touch would be their undoing. Neither was ready for that.

Was this how it always must be? Emma wondered to herself. Would they co-parent Henry and pretend that that's all that they were to each other, just two women who shared a son? Could they simply ignore whatever this was between them? It was already unbearable.

Regina was conflicted, as she so often was. This could only be some sort of cruel trick. As far as she knew, Emma didn't like women, much less evil ones that had ruined her and her parent's life. So why had she kissed her? And why had Regina stopped it?

The answer to that was simple; what if it wasn't a trick?

The notion that her new, confusing, but nevertheless very _real_ feelings might be reciprocated terrified Regina more than anything.

Deep down the Evil Queen had always been a coward. She had been a coward as a girl, terrified of her mother and her powers. She had been cowardly as an adult, pinning her hatred and vengeance on a small child instead of taking ownership of her pain. She was a coward when she enacted the dark curse, hiding away in the land that she had created, still as miserable as ever. And she was still a coward now, unable to face whatever was happening here with Emma. Unable to believe that someone was capable of loving her, unable to believe that she was capable of loving someone else, someone that wasn't her son or Daniel.

But then there was Emma herself - a woman who by all accounts she should hate, and yet Regina didn't hate her, she wasn't sure she ever had. Right from the second that they had met there had been _something_ there, something she hadn't understood at first, something she tried to believe was loathing of her rival.

During the curse, Regina had had her fling with the old Sheriff, Graham, but she had always felt empty, unsatisfied, sex was only ever a weapon to the Evil Queen. Then Emma had burst into her life and lit a spark within her that was now a raging fire, out of control. She had long since lost the girlish innocence that she had possessed when Daniel was alive, and yet Emma's presence did things to her that she had only ever read about in romantic paperbacks.

If only life were as simple as those books. Right now, if they were in the paperback, Regina would laugh at one of Emma's jokes and accidentally tip her drink. It would pour down Emma's front and Regina would have to help her out of her wet clothes. The sight of Emma's torso in just a soaked bra would prove too much for Regina, she would _have_ to kiss her and kissing would most certainly lead to hot, passionate sex right there on the sofa. Regina smiled at the fantasy, life _wasn't_ a paperback novel.

"Regina what are you thinking?" Emma caught the queen off guard. She was clearly a million miles away from their conversation.

"Um? Oh nothing Miss Swan." Regina paused, she always maintained the illusion that she used formalities to retain the upper hand, the control over her enemy. But Emma wasn't her enemy, not now. "I'm sorry, Emma. Do go on."

"Um it was nothing, Regina it's so late. I should really... I should really go"

"I wish you wouldn't" The words left Regina's mouth before she could stop them, tumbling from her lips as though she had no control over them. "It's really not safe for you to be running around town at this time."

"Regina, I'm the Sheriff! If it's not safe for me to run around town, I'm really not doing my job right." Emma rolled her eyes as she spoke, mistaking Regina's concern for superiority.

"Emma you can't drive, we've had too much to drink. Please just stay. It's not like I don't have the room." Regina wanted to explain herself, she wanted Emma to know that she wasn't being patronising, she genuinely cared about the saviour's well being.

Emma's face was unreadable, but she nodded, with - was that uncertainty, or anticipation?


End file.
